Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Week 9 Theme, Vignette, Pointillism

Because I Can

I make supper like it’s any other day. I’ve talked to friends and family. Convinced them that I’ll be fine. Try not to say cancer, just say lump. My husband comes through the door. Green Dickie work clothes laced with welding holes, lunch pail on counter. Dirty, tired like any other day. I drop the tomato-y spoon. I point to my neck, words yip out that make no sense.
******
In my mind think I’ll ski full and strong as I’ve done for years. Close to home this time in case it doesn’t go well. Weak and not admitting it. The skis slip ahead of the body and down I go. Terror strikes as my head falls back. Terror all out of proportion to the fall. Thirty stitches across the front of my throat hold. What did I think, that my head was going to fall off?
*****
Head strapped to the table. Nurses caring, touching, loving my hair. They are happy for me that I won’t lose it. They are more accustomed to older and balder. Or little bald children, children must be the worst. The nurses like me. I look healthy and happy. A nice break from their normal. Strange green and red lights. Hard to believe lights will kill cells.
******
Midnight all the time. Never have been so tired. People expect things I can’t deliver. Just too tired, can’t even explain how tired a strong, always been fit, in the prime of her life woman can be. Everyone so kind, but needing things. Needing me to be healthy. Needing me to be happy. Needing me to pretend. Just go, let me be. Let me be tired.
******
Skiing across the lake, heading for beautiful, snow capped Mt. Katahdin. Won’t really make it to the mountain, but I can ski toward it. Skiing hard and fast and alone, celebrating the fact that I can. Healthy sweat steaming up from the jacket, working too hard, going too far, because I can.

3 comments:

  1. Nice piece--something for the Eyrie perhaps. You 'get' the linked vignettes, see how powerful not explaining everything can be, seee how important those seemingly inconsequential things like green Dickies with welding holes.

    I'm going to reference this in next week's assignment if that's okay.

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  2. It's more than okay. Always glad and relieved when you like my piece. Will I ever be mature enough not to care what people think? I'm a real beginner at this writing. Every week is truely a learning experience. Can't imagine what next week's assignment will be.

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  3. Okey-doke--I've actually incorporated the whole piece into the lecture material with further comments for next week's mystery assignment.

    ReplyDelete