Theme week 12. Taking risks, humor, exaggeration, juxtaposition.

Men, all true, not all my man.

Overheard in the mall:

Male voice in the stall, “Honey would you bring me a size 38 so I can see how they look?”
Wife as she walks away, “No Honey, they’ll look awful.”
I can just wonder how long he stood in there in his underwear wondering what she means and if she is coming back with pants.

Man, “You can’t keep leaving my mother alone in the store. She gets confused.”
Woman, “Her pocket book has been up my ass all day. I’m just trying to leave her with you for a minute.”

Forgetful man:

Husband reading the court news in the newspaper, “Honey, what’s Christopher’s (their son) middle name?”

Retired too long man:

Every time I get in the car I hear the passenger door slam and his voice say, “Where’re we going?” I can no longer shop by myself. I walk through the store and he just keeps breathing behind me. I just keep hearing him breathe.

I can cook man:

Husband standing in the kitchen with a puddle of melted cheese on the floor at his feet, eating a sandwich. “How much cheese to you put in a grilled cheese sandwich?”

I can cook and suck the joy out of your day man:

Wife, coming home to camp after a golf game, “Honey, wait until I tell you about my game!” Husband, “I cooked your supper and got tired of keeping it warm, so if you want your hotdog, it’s in the lake.”

Women have no sense of humor man:

Wife coming home with groceries, calling out his name, finds him face down on the cellar stairs. He realized it was not a good joke only when he heard the bloodcurdling scream and the potatoes hitting the floor.

The I’ll just make them laugh man:

I get a call from my friends husband saying, “She’s on her way over. She just got a call. Her brother does not have long to live.” I meet her in my driveway. We grab each other, hold on tight and cry. My mom and her brother on death beds. When we get ourselves under control and stumble into house, my husband says, “You’ve got to stop doing that. The neighbors think you’re gay and I’m a bit excited.” God bless him. We did laugh.